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Joke of the day!!!

Jimmus

Jimmus

New member
Hiya,

I'm at work, bored so thought i would post a joke. If anyone has a funny joke (not rude) then feel free to post here also :) Oh and to all the ladies out there, don't take this joke the wrong way i am not implying anything by posting it :grin01:

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's going to start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat arse down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"



The husband sighed. "Damn, it's started."



Hope you laughed or chuckled a little!!
 
I'll be the first to admit it. Yes, I laughed. ;)

Stupid joke, but I needed that all the same! :crazy02:
 
Plissken said:
I'll be the first to admit it. Yes, I laughed. ;)

Stupid joke, but I needed that all the same! :crazy02:
Click to expand...

Haha lol yea its really stupid but made me chuckle a little :) Now its your turn, it says so in the really really small print :grin01:
 
*squints* Are you positive about that - trust me, you really don't want to hear one of my jokes! :grin01:
 
This MAY be a *little* inappropriate, but I think you guys will find it funny, as did I.


"A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.




She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.




On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.




He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 20 lb. program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while before he can continue, so for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day, 50 lb. program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door, and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine.""
 
The first joke was very good and I did laugh, especially when I thought about switching the roles with me coming home to hubby (he works out of the house and sells insurance, so you can imagine what he ends up talking about that I have to listen to). The second joke actually had me ROFLO! Keep stuff like that coming!

One small note...use caution with the language. Arse should be okay, but the "b" word is a bit "iffy". You wouldnt' want the mods to get e-mails with complaints that end with them having to shut this thread down.
 
Susan said:
The first joke was very good and I did laugh, especially when I thought about switching the roles with me coming home to hubby (he works out of the house and sells insurance, so you can imagine what he ends up talking about that I have to listen to). The second joke actually had me ROFLO! Keep stuff like that coming!

One small note...use caution with the language. Arse should be okay, but the "b" word is a bit "iffy". You wouldnt' want the mods to get e-mails with complaints that end with them having to shut this thread down.
Click to expand...

How can 'Beer' be offensive!! hehe sorry i honestly didnt even notice id put the 'B' word in there. Apologies to anyone offended by this, il make sure im more careful next time :( Oh and Susan you do know the rules don't you?!! You have to post a joke now you've replied to the thread, oh yes im very strict you know!! :grin01:
 
B4 i hit the sack i thought i would add a couple of one liners. Warning they are very poor but hopefully will cause a slight smirk, even if its because they are so rubbish lol

- What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?
~ Angus McCoatup

- What's the most dangerous insect?
~ The hepatitis bee

- What do you call a pig with three eyes?
~ A Piiig

- WHAT'S the difference between outlaws and inlaws
~ Outlaws are wanted!

:grin01:
 
Taken from a Far Side (excuse the picture quality, I couldn't find it online):

P3130001.JPG


The caption reads: "Bobby, please jiggle grandpa's mouse so it looks alive."
 
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