just like in the movies...

[Thoth]

I just needed somewhere to vent because none of my friends is picking up.

So...about twenty minutes ago, I was outside my apartment, smoking and thinking. And I realized that, after a ton of crap that's happened to me (and a ton of crap that I've inflicted on myself) in my life, I'm finally in a relatively good place in my life. After a string of jobs that made me want to kill myself (literally), I'm finally working a decent job that pays well enough that I don't have to agonize over which bills to pay at the end of the month. I'm almost done paying off my undergrad student loans, and I only have one credit card left to pay off. I'm not spectacularly comfortable, but I'm stable. So I smile to myself all goofy-like.

Then I come inside and see that I've missed a call on my cell phone from my oldest friend, Susana. She hasn't had a job in about six years because she'd been so busy being stoned and asleep that she couldn't make it to work at the donut shop. So at almost 28 years old, she's still living with her parents, who agreed to pay for all of her expenses, including a car, a brand-new laptop, undergrad AND grad school, AND an all-expenses paid trip to ANYWHERE as a graduation present.

So, after all of three minutes of being comfortable in my own skin, just like in the movies, it gets taken away. She announces that she's just aced her first job interview. She's now making just under $50K a year, working a 4-day work week, gets a free laptop and cell phone, and her first business trip is in a month (we've both always wanted to travel). And this same week, her boyfriend (who also lives with his parents because he didn't have a job) just got a job making just under $50K (awww, cute! his-and-hers matching power-jobs!).

I know I should be happy for her, I know that even though she didn't have a job she did work kinda hard in school, so I feel incredibly guilty that I can't just get over myself. It's just...dammit...I've worked HARD for my little plot of Americana and she gets a friggin' castle!

Her news in no way at all changes what I was thinking about myself outside; I know that! But I just want to scream anyway.

:sobstory:

 

[Rich in KY]

My advice is don't base happiness or success on money.

There are so many things in life that are more important. It took a near death experience for me to realize this. Enjoy what you have and be happy where you are. There are always people who will have more. And many that have much less too.

 

[Duff]

Yep, life likes to smack you in the face with it's unfairness sometimes. The key is to just laugh it off. Remember... As long as you're still breathing, it's all good

 

[susang]

My advice is don't base happiness or success on money.

There are so many things in life that are more important. It took a near death experience for me to realize this. Enjoy what you have and be happy where you are. There are always people who will have more. And many that have much less too.

I agree 110%, not to mention many people who have less seemingly have more. I live in a mixed income neighberhood. I have a neighber who lives on the system she gets $243.00 a month in food stamps for her and her grandaughter, which she can't make last a month. A local company put all new double pained windows in her house to help cut on utility bills. We would have to put it on credit card and pay for years. Sort of the opposite of your situation. You are doing well, so for now your friends are doing better. For us we barely get by, I wish someone would give me $243.00 in food stamps just one month would be nice. Those that have want more, those hanging on by a string pray no one comes along with scissors and those that don't have get more. just my opinion, susang

 

[tsst]

Thoth,

My dad once told me something that took me near 40 years to realize what he meant. When I was starting out and struggling (they could have helped me easily) he told me "if something is worth having its worth earning". Of course I didn't want to hear that I just want the nice car that some had etc... And he continued on "I could open my wallet and give you $1000 and you would blow it but if you earn that same $1000 I guarantee you spend it wisely". He passed almost a year ago but I know now I am the man I am because he made me earn it. I thank him everyday for it now. You earned what you got be proud of it!

 

[Checkerbelly]

Things like that will always happen. You can't let it get the best of you. Your story gets my goat too, but whaddya gonna do? Maybe you'll have the last laugh when her company asks her to pee in a cup.

I could name a few people that got chances in life that they didn't earn.

 

[tom e]

My advice is don't base happiness or success on money.

So true. You'll never know how happy she is or isn't. You know how happy you are till you start looking for ways to 'measure' your success relative to other people. There isn't any way to do a full comparison of the rewards of your 2 lives, except with money, so we tend to fixate on that. But I have a feeling it actually balances out pretty well in ways that aren't so easy to see..

 

[Drizzt80]

IShe hasn't had a job in about six years because she'd been so busy being stoned and asleep that she couldn't make it to work at the donut shop.

. . . her parents, who agreed to pay for all of her expenses, including a car, a brand-new laptop, undergrad AND grad school, AND an all-expenses paid trip to ANYWHERE as a graduation present.

. . . I've worked HARD for my little plot of Americana and she gets a friggin' castle!

Two words: Paris Hilton. :sobstory:

Carry on with feeling comfortable in your own skin. There's nothing to see there.
D80

 

[Drizzt80]

PS. If it was just like the movies, you need to throw in a car chase scene or a bar fight or a magical escape on a broom . . . :sidestep:

D80

 

[v_various]

My dad once told me something that took me near 40 years to realize what he meant. When I was starting out and struggling (they could have helped me easily) he told me "if something is worth having its worth earning".

Ya, as a kid my parents never gave me any money. If I wanted some, I had to earn it with chores or nothing. At the time I thought it sucked, but I know now they were right. I'm good with money now, thanks to them.

And the way I figure, there will always be someone richer, prettier, healthier, even nicer than you. Don't keep looking at what others have or you'll go crazy. Or just marry rich.

Oh, and Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! Seems like a good thread to stick that in.
: D

 

[ssmith_1187]

They way I look at it is…I have enough to worry about keeping my side of the street clean. Why should I worry about what someone else’s curb looks like?

Do what you can…that’s all you can do.

Regards,
Steve

 

[Lennycorn]

Who do you think is going to be able to pull themself out of mud puddly better. The one who has the experience or the one who never touch it.

 

[holly tayls]

I have to tell my wife the same thing all the time. She is adopted, the only girl in a family of 4 boys. The apple of her dads eye. Until he found a younger "friend" left the family and his wife behind and married her. She HATED the only other female competition and pushed her basically out of her dads life for a LONG TIME. They had 2 kids together a girl and a boy and nothing changed until she had a massive heart attack and my wife (of all people) sat by her bedside and read to her every day. During her recovery we did everything we could when her own kids did nothing. heck Id shovel 2 feet of snow from their driveway while their jobless mooching 20 something kids stood in the doorway and watched. She died last year and it was hard on my wife. She always hater her and her dad for the fact that those kids had everything and did nothing. Cars, trips to anywhere, all the things money could buy and my wife and her brothers got nothing. We look at them now both doing OK for themselves in their 20 something lives, hes married shes engaged both still sponging off of dad though and taking the fullest advantage and drunk every weekend like the frat brats that they are. We have a great home a great son and a great relationship with the other half of her parents (mom and step-dad) yet we still listen to the crying and moaning from "the kids" and it kills my wife sometimes that she never had any of that and we had to work and scrape and fight to reach the point where she can stay home and we dont have to worry about money and the like.
It not about WHAT YOU HAVE but how you got it and the impact on your growth and maturity as a person that matters. Like has been said those who HAVE, WANT MORE
Be content with what you have and who you are. If; God forbid, something happened to you youre strong enough to fight through and survive, can you say the same about your friend?

 

[Thoth]

Thanks, all. Very good points. I'm over it now, actually. I'm happy for her. And I realized something: part of the reason I'm feeling better about my life now is because I have lived through so much crap that I can handle much more now. She, OTOH, is starting from scratch. So all the struggling is still ahead of her. I definitely DON'T envy her that. (And I really did try to say that last bit without any malice.)