Preparing for and Coping with Pet Loss

[antiochian]

This is a difficult subject to bring up, but my dogs are 12 and 13 and I can sense that they are gradually nearing the end. Their eyesight is poor and they have slowed down alot. My male is becoming covered in little tumors, which I understand is common for old dogs, and has a large fatty tumor on his belly. I understand cancer is a common cause of death in old dogs, so I watch him closely for any abnormalities and the vet has examined the lumps (which are benign).

I am beginning to really dread the inevitable, and wonder how others get through it. Since I don't own my home or any land, I've also wondered whether I should utilize the local pet cemetery--although forking out several hundred for a sealer casket and granite stone seems a little wasteful. I'd actually prefer that their ashes be interred with me when my time comes, whether someone sneaks the urn into my casket or places it into the grave before it's closed doesn't matter. I don't know what my local laws say, but if done discretely would anyone be the wiser? I live in a rural area and have a cemetery lot in a small country grave yard.

I don't mean to sound morbid. I'm just trying to be practical. Yesterday my male, who now has chronic respiratory problems, had a spell and we thought the worst before he snapped out of it, so while I want to focus on enjoying the remaining time we have together, I also feel the need to have some basic plan in place. I've never had to put down a pet so this is new to me.

 

[susang]

It is so difficult over the years I kind of let the animal tell me. When they can't climb the steps, aren't eating or if they sleep a lot more then normal it's time. I believe in euthanizing animals rather then see them suffer until death. Our vet disposes of the animal, bad choice of words dispose, but that is what they do. Our last dog I let go a little to long when we got to the vet they gave her a shot to calm her and she died, they didn't have to give her the other medicine. I felt so bad, she was so ready to go, but I selfishly wanted a little more time.
Whatever you choose it will be difficult and I'm sorry.

 

[Chip]

There aren't many things in life harder than losing your dog. I can still get teary eyed thinking about my dogs from days gone by. Give them lots of love, exercise, and the best food you can, and you have done your part. My condolences in advance, sounds like they are lucky to have you.

 

[kathylove]

I am sorry to say that I have had way too much experience in this...

Over my lifetime, I have had a number or cats, and a few dogs, that were lost to old age. Most of my cats lasted for around 15 - 18 years - but it is not nearly long enough. And many dogs, especially large breeds, have much shorter lives than that. It just doesn't seem fair to bond so completely that your pet feels like a family member, and then to see them fade away so soon.

I usually knew far in advance that the end was coming. But unfortunately, I have never found a way to prepare myself, and it still brings tears to my eyes when I think of some of my more recent losses. I can only comfort myself in the knowledge that each had the best life and the most love I could provide for the time allotted to him or her. I can't think of anything else to be done.

Most of the time, I knew the end was coming and a vet performed the "last act of kindness", and also took care of the remains. The couple of times that I was caught by surprise, we buried the pet under a favorite tree, trying to hope that it sort of "lived on", in a way, contributing to the growth and life of the tree.

The final thing left to do is to share sorrow with compassionate friends - whether here on CS, or real life friends and relatives - preferably as many as possible. With time, the grief softens - but unfortunately, never really goes away.

I have heard some grief stricken friends say they would never get another dog or cat because they couldn't bear the loss again. But although it is horribly difficult, they add so much to my life that I couldn't bear to be WITHOUT the furry critters! I have countered it somewhat in recent years by keeping 2 or 3 cats of varying ages. You can't just "replace" a treasured pet anymore than a valued friend or relative. But at least having another beloved pet healthy and alive through your grief lessens that blow a little, at least for me. So before my pet gets too old, I make sure he or she already has a younger friend integrated into our household. It would be way too painful to acquire a new pet AFTER the demise of my old, long time companion.

I wish I had some GOOD answers for you. But I am afraid there ARE no good answers. But I hope this may help just a little.

 

[Shiari]

In some ways, I'm lucky that I'm a vet tech. I can put that mentality on when I'm viewing my animals and it lets me make the right decision at the right time. I bawl later, but I can do what's best for the pet.

And that's the biggest thing that so many people have difficulties with. They aren't ready to face that loss... but it's not actually about *them*. Or at least it shouldn't be. It should be about the animal.

Letting (generic)your cat waste away from 10 pounds to 3 1/2 pounds due to cancer, ignoring that he hasn't eaten in a week, ignoring that he can barely stand simply because you can't stand to be separated from him is cruelty. It's something I see extremely often and it makes me irate. And I swore I would never subject my animals to something like that.

I euthanised my first dog on June 4th, 2007. He was 13 years old and he had a brain tumor and lung cancer. He had just had his second seizure. I vowed to him after the first seizure that I would let him go when he had another. After that first one, for a whole day he was distraught and agitated. He didn't know his name or any commands anymore. He didn't recognise me. I had actually decided that if he didn't recognise me by the next day that I would euthanise him then, but he did recover. I was grateful to get another month with him.

I made a similar decision with Diesel, whom I adopted as a 13 year old diabetic. On December 19th, 2009 I found out he had carcinomatosis. He went steadily downhill and on December 21st I euthanised him at the e-clinic.

I have their ashes, theirs and an entire litter of kittens. And I have some fruit trees I'm raising for when I finally have a place I can plant them. At that point, I will place half their ashes under a specific tree and the other half will remain with me.

As for coping with the grief, whenever I started to get sad I specifically recalled a funny memory of them. For Aussie, it was when he caught his first field mouse, or how he used to play tag with all the kids at the YMCA after school daycare, or how he saved me from a stalker. For Dees, it was how he would beat up my then-new puppy, or how he would always sleep on the right side of my head and let me nuzzle his tummy, or his determination to sit on one specific corner and howl at the ceiling as he got a little senile.

It still makes me sad to think of them, but it makes me happy I got to have them in my life.

 

[Zombiegirl]

Also being a vet tech, this is something I deal with on a regular basis. Harrison (my now 7 yr old sharpei/lab) is the "love" of my life. I know he's a dog, but he is my first dog (of my very own) and the bond we have is deep. I have helped many people help their beloved pet pass on, and it never gets any easier. I agree 100% with Shiari

Letting (generic)your cat waste away from 10 pounds to 3 1/2 pounds due to cancer, ignoring that he hasn't eaten in a week, ignoring that he can barely stand simply because you can't stand to be separated from him is cruelty. It's something I see extremely often and it makes me irate.

. There have been a few situations where all I wanted to do was scream about how cruel this was, but in the end we did what was best for the pet.

We utilize a local pet crematorium for "disposal" and they have options to get your pet's ashes back which is nice, or if you wish, they will spread their ashes at a local christmas tree farm. I have already informed my clinic that if i'm still working there when Harrison's time comes, I will not be coming into work for the next day or so after. I will be a wreck and I know it. I have a hard time thinking about it if I think "too" much. One reason I got Lucy was for him to have a buddy, but also to attempt to lessen the blow of Harrison's passing.

The final thing left to do is to share sorrow with compassionate friends - whether here on CS, or real life friends and relatives - preferably as many as possible. With time, the grief softens - but unfortunately, never really goes away.

I also agree with this. It's always good to be surrounded by loved ones while grieving.

 

[Nanci]

Can I stand to post in this thread? I recently lost my beloved pigeon companion of 16 years, Dillbird. He didn't even pass at home so I could pop him in the freezer and wait until I had the strength to plan a burial. I had to transport him home, frozen in a cooler, for a 14 hour drive. Staring at the empty seat beside me. BUT- it's better when an animal goes without a big to-do, I think. I had known the day would eventually come, and thought it was likely I would have a complete breakdown. Fortunately, I was with Rich when it happened.

A friend of mine, Drew Lambeth, said- do something spectacular in his memory. I think that is good advice. I just don't really know what that is, yet...He's buried out in my front yard, where I can see the site from the bedroom or kitchen window.

I'm facing another major loss and for better or worse, I apparently have been given plenty of time to prepare myself. The vet made it sound like the end was imminent, but it actually was not. We're just in limbo, cherishing the remaining days. I think I'll do a home burial again. I live on five acres. There's lots of room.

It sounds morbid, but it's actually given me hope to look who else is out there now, who needs a home. My kind of dog, the pit bull, they are hard to place. I'm getting familiar with the local rescue community, just putting the word out, inquiring informally. When the time comes, I won't have an empty space for long.

 

[hypnoctopus]

I recently had my 15 year-old golden retriever put down. He had cancer for about a year without showing any symptoms. He also had lost his hearing and his eyesight was poor.

It finally came to a point where I was always so worried about him and trying to protect him (he often would fall down or stumble over things and then not be able to get back up), moreso than I was even enjoying him. At this point he had almost completely stopped eating and would often not be able to make it through the night without peeing (and since he couldn't get up on his own, he would lay in his own urine until we woke up in the morning).

Anyway, it's still sad, but I'm glad to know that he lived a great life (and a long one too!) and I didn't want to selfishly keep him alive longer than he would be comfortable.

 

[Zombiegirl]

Sorry for everyone's loss never an easy thing. This community is amazing. Even though it's a forum on the interweb, it is definitely somewhere I like to be. I don't enjoy *most* human contact, but animal lovers are a different breed

 

[Weda737]

My dog was 18, I turned 25 in august, I had her since she was weaned so most of my life we were together. She did great until her last year, she had cushings disease and pretty much slept on my bed with a pee pad under her, she simply would not let go. I had to do the right thing and I wish I had done it sooner. As far as her remains, her ashes are in a pretty wooden box. Still in the paper bag with all the cards of condolences. This happened in January, I still can't look at it.

 

[Shiari]

Because I have a morbid sense of humor (you have to have one as a vet tech, or you do nothing but cry) I have Diesel's ashes on top of Aussie's. Aussie was a true predator and would have killed a cat if he ever got the chance. I joked after placing the boxes "Look! Aussie's finally getting along with a kitty!"

 

[Zombiegirl]

Because I have a morbid sense of humor (you have to have one as a vet tech, or you do nothing but cry

Amen sister...that is funny

 

[susang]

When I worked in the ER and for a time after, probably still I am more pragmatic about human death. With animals it is much harder for me. We put our golden retriever down a few years ago and I still cry if I smell a golden. When we put him down even the vet was crying with us, he was a great dog but a doof: He castrated himself sliding across the yard, vet visit; He dislocated his hip hill climbing and sliding down, vet visit. So are vet really knew him well.
Kathy you always say something wonderful about 'the rainbow bridge' I was hoping you would say it here.

 

[Weda737]

Somehow it's those good memories that hurt the most.

 

[antiochian]

I appreciate all the sharing. When my dogs cease to have the quality of life they deserve I will do what's right. I've worked in a nursing home for over ten years so I do not shy away from death like many seem to. I've seen plenty of it. And like the people I've loved who are no longer here physically, I think the animals I've loved will always be a part of me. If all that afterlife business is real, I hope for a reunion with them there. Death can only kill the body, it can't kill love. At least that's how I've learned to look at it. Of course that doesn't make losing a loved one (human or otherwise) any less painful. Thanks again.

 

[Camby]

Sorry for your impending loss. I have suffered through the loss of a few close 4 legged friends and man those are some really painful memories. I wish I had 2 legged friends that were as loyal and unconditionally loving as some of them.

My most beloved pet, my best friend growing up was "Chopper" a GSD and we finally had to have him put to sleep when he was around 15. We grew up together and were best friends in the truest sense. Watching the life leave his eyes was the hardest day of my life I think. If it wasn't THE hardest day, it is tied with the day we buried my brother. Chopper is buried in the back yard of where I grew up and I planted a dogwood tree over him in memorial. When I visit my Dad, I always make it a point to go and talk with Chopper. From time to time, we still smell him and man what a memory that is. I believe in an afterlife and I love it when he pops in once in a while to say hey in his on way.

Once again I am sorry for your impending loss, but like with anything you love and loose, keep the memories close and that is how you cope with it.

dc

 

[ceduke]

I'm sure I'll be facing the same decision soon with my 17-almost-18 year old pup, Star. I got her when I was in sixth grade, and it will be so hard to let her go. But...she's had a really LONG life, and she's in renal failure now, so I don't know how much longer it will continue to be a *good* life.