Snake Sales Pitches

[Jicin]

Copy/pasted from: http://coloherp.org/cb-news/archive/humor/SalesPitch.php

I found this funny

For those who may be considering buying snakes of any species in the next few months, here are the translations of the sales pitches. "Nervous" It bites. "Nippy" A vicious bugger. "Good Feeder" It's eating me out of house and home. "Shy" It never comes out. "A Sound Investment" It'll cost you a fortune. "Owner Going Abroad" I never want to see it again. "New Baby Forces Sale" It tried to eat the kid. "Needs Experienced Keeper" It tried to eat me. "No Timewasters" No experienced keepers. "Rare Opportunity to Buy" I'm asking a fortune. "Good Home Wanted" It's big. "Free To Good Home" It's very big. "Space Needed" It's bloody enormous. "Rare in collections" Only eats rare unobtainable lizards. "Hatchlings may be aggressive" Heat seeking missiles. "Snappy" Wear kevlar gloves. "Smaller morph" Only grows to 18 feet rather than 25. "Very Docile" Won't eat, open your book to the force feeding section please. "Impressive" Ate my Rottwieler. "Voracious feeders" Strikes anything that moves. "Tames down nicely" Unapproachable. "Excellent investment" Depreciating faster than a Chrysler Cordoba.

 

[Jicin]

Let's that again shall we?

For those who may be considering buying snakes of any species in the next few months, here are the translations of the sales pitches.

"Nervous"
It bites.

"Nippy"
A vicious bugger.

"Good Feeder"
It's eating me out of house and home.

"Shy"
It never comes out.

"A Sound Investment"
It'll cost you a fortune.

"Owner Going Abroad"
I never want to see it again.

"New Baby Forces Sale"
It tried to eat the kid.

"Needs Experienced Keeper"
It tried to eat me.

"No Timewasters"
No experienced keepers.

"Rare Opportunity to Buy"
I'm asking a fortune.

"Good Home Wanted"
It's big.
"Free To Good Home"
It's very big.

"Space Needed"
It's bloody enormous.

"Rare in collections"
Only eats rare unobtainable lizards.

"Hatchlings may be aggressive"
Heat seeking missiles.

"Snappy"
Wear kevlar gloves.

"Smaller morph"
Only grows to 18 feet rather than 25.

"Very Docile"
Won't eat, open your book to the force feeding section please.

"Impressive"
Ate my Rottwieler.

"Voracious feeders"
Strikes anything that moves.

"Tames down nicely"
Unapproachable.

"Excellent investment"
Depreciating faster than a Chrysler Cordoba.

 

[Cindy]

excellent, vey funny..... and probably true :grin01:

 

[angeladams]

That's good!! If you find anymore, please let us know!! :grin01:

 

[Rinpu]

Those are great!

 

[Traci1]

"Nervous"
It bites.

Not always true! I used the word nervous in my ad for one of mine and she has never struck at me or bit.

so there ya go! haha

that is a really cute post though, i'm sure most of it IS true!

Traci

 

[So Pirate55]

thanks guys i was in the computer lab at school reading this. At first they were just sparking a smile but when i got to these:

""Rare in collections"
Only eats rare unobtainable lizards.

"Hatchlings may be aggressive"
Heat seeking missiles.

"Snappy"
Wear kevlar gloves.

"Smaller morph"
Only grows to 18 feet rather than 25.

"Very Docile"
Won't eat, open your book to the force feeding section please.

"Impressive"
Ate my Rottwieler.

"Voracious feeders"
Strikes anything that moves."

i literally laughed out loud much to the dismay of everyone around me. Freshmen just cant enjoy a good joke.