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So stupid..

S

Shogun

N00B
Ever wondered how to fend off a python? Me neither. But apparently it’s serious stuff to Peace Corps members serving in Brazil. According to their manual, the correct way to avert a python attack is as follows:

“Remember not to run away; the python can run (slither?) faster. The thing to do is to lie flat on the ground on your back with your feet together, arms at your side, head well down. The python will then try to push its head under you, experimenting at every possible point. Keep calm. You must let him swallow your foot. (Wait…swallow my foot?!) It is quite painless and it will take a long time. (And I’m just supposed to lie there?) If you lose your head and struggle, he will quickly whip his coils around you. If you keep calm and still, he will go on swallowing. (At this point having his coils around me sounds better than him swallowing me whole.) Wait patiently until he has swallowed up to about your knee. (About?! What if he swallows more? Is there some imaginary line of demarcation?) Then carefully take out your knife (because who DOESN’T have a knife on them at all times) and insert it into the distended side of his mouth and with a quick rip slit him up.
lmao!
 
Interesting... I'll keep that in mind, and carry a knife at all times. Just in case.
 
Who, honestly, is going to stay calm while you are being swallowed by a python large enough to eat a human being? Also, who's to say it's going to start swallowing at your feet? What the hell do you do if it starts with your head? Just hope you can reach for your knife after going all the way in? Slit open it's belly and crawl on out?
 
I have snakes that constrict everything, even if it doesn't move.
Running sounds like the best option.
Running right to the closest store that sells strong booze, and if a snake bites me, pour booze into his mouth until he:
1) Decides he doesn't want to do shots, or
2) Decides he's had enough, or
3) He's good and drunk, and I can outrun him.

It's silly logic, but better than that BS.
Ooh, if it doesn't work you can be drunk when you go. And it's an excuse to carry booze with you wherever you go. Win/win!!!
 
Lol - so, why are you carrying that bottle of beer everywhere? In case a python decides to bite me, I use this right here to make it let go. Then they will ask you why you're drinking it - thats when you hit them over the head with said bear bottle.
 
Elusive said:
Lol - so, why are you carrying that bottle of beer everywhere? In case a python decides to bite me, I use this right here to make it let go. Then they will ask you why you're drinking it - thats when you hit them over the head with said bear bottle.
Click to expand...

Carry a really bright flashlight with you too. Shine it right into their eyes, hit them with the beer bottle, then feed them to the snake.
Don't forget to tell them to lie still.
 
Wow??? :( I dont like the whole slitting his mouth open thing :( What honestly makes them think he wouldnt go for the head first as thats what most snakes do?? And um yeah they really don't know what they are talking about do they lol.. Um yeah.. and how many snakes are big enough to eat an adult.
 
I'm pretty sure some pythons are capable of swallowing humans whole, but, it may end up being a regurge and that would be pretty gross... the snake could also end up blowing up. :eats02:
 
Shogun said:
Ever wondered how to fend off a python? Me neither. But apparently it’s serious stuff to Peace Corps members serving in Brazil. According to their manual, the correct way to avert a python attack is as follows:

“Remember not to run away; the python can run (slither?) faster. The thing to do is to lie flat on the ground on your back with your feet together, arms at your side, head well down. The python will then try to push its head under you, experimenting at every possible point. Keep calm. You must let him swallow your foot. (Wait…swallow my foot?!) It is quite painless and it will take a long time. (And I’m just supposed to lie there?) If you lose your head and struggle, he will quickly whip his coils around you. If you keep calm and still, he will go on swallowing. (At this point having his coils around me sounds better than him swallowing me whole.) Wait patiently until he has swallowed up to about your knee. (About?! What if he swallows more? Is there some imaginary line of demarcation?) Then carefully take out your knife (because who DOESN’T have a knife on them at all times) and insert it into the distended side of his mouth and with a quick rip slit him up.
lmao!
Click to expand...


What are you talking about there are no pythons in Brazil :nope: Any human can out run any snake. If you being stalked by a big snake and you did what you are telling people the snake would crush to death.
 
Hilarious advice, thanks for sharing. I'm wondering if you are supposed to try reasoning with the snake as you lay there, or just lay and think brave thoughts :laugh:
 
...You must let him swallow your foot. (Wait…swallow my foot?!) It is quite painless and it will take a long time. (And I’m just supposed to lie there?) ...
Click to expand...
Looks painless to me! :roflmao:
 

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That's the funniest thing I've heard in a while. I would say too bad it's false, but really when you think about it, it's probably a good thing that isn't the real advice!
 
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