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Spread the Word to End the Word

That is a lot of information first thing in the morning Brent. Very good food for thought. Good message. Thanks.
 
Thank you Brent for posting this. I almost posted the article from the Boston Globe regarding this, but considering the response I got in the other thread, I decided to pass.

This is a subject that have strong feelings about. Unless you have a child with a "developmental delay" you could never understand. A feeling made stronger when I witnessed her reaction to being called it, by a complete stranger who did not know her. Who couldn't understand why she didn't get what he was talking about.

It's a shame that words like this couldn't be dropped from the slang or vernacular of our society. It's basic meaning is very demeaning and insulting, when used in some contexts.

Well, I could go on and on about this, but I suspect that some of you know how I feel!

Thank you again, Brent!

Wayne
 
Thank you for posting this.

I do volunteer work with adults and children that have autism or other similar developmental delays and constantly amazed at how cruel people are towards them.

My mother teaches in a Head Start program school and her specialties are downs syndrome and autism. Once a month or so I take my cat Onyx and one of my snakes in to visit classrooms. Most the kids have never owned a pet and getting to love on a cute kitty and have a snake wrap around their arms is almost magical to them.

Onyx is one of the very few therapy cats in the area so he gets a lot of mileage on his tours :laugh:

I'll have to post some pics later.
 
thats awesome. ill take the pledge. i use the word but know its wrong. in high school my gym teacher was also my coach. and we had a handicapped kid in our class named howie. he knew everyone would be making fun of him so he asked me and 2 other teammates in the same class to watch out for him and make sure noones gonna beat on him or hurt him in anyway. i still dont know what exactly howie had but i know i laughed a lot, not at him, but with him. he was really funny and most people didnt know it or give him a shot. a real cool kid, he even proved out to be a very good flag football player on our team.
 
This may be a good cause, but I think if the "r word" is stamped out it will be replaced by another word. Instead of the "r word" people will use Jeffy, Johnny Knoxvilles character in The Ringer, or LD or Special ED or just plain Special. Calling someone Special will become a bad word. There will always be another insult. Look at all our normal english words that have been turned into "bad words".

Is the "r word" the real problem, or is the real problem people have an opinion of weak and they pick on the weakest around them? I call it pseudo alpha behavior. Some people have a pack mentality, and pseudo alphas pick on people they consider weaker. Like the physically strong picking on the physically weak or the educated picking on the uneducated. For some reason pseudo alphas try to elevate themselves by preying on those they consider weaker than them.

So which is worse.... someone who says the "r word" or a pseudo alpha who picks on the weak, or those they consider weak? Or are the two the same?

I guess what I'm getting at is before anyone pats themselves on the back for not using the "r word" maybe they should take a self inventory of behavior. I'm not saying this towards anyone in particular, just in general.

A little off/on topic...Does anyone with a Napoleon Complex ever admit that's a problem? lol
 
I hate the idea of other people trying to tell me which words I can and cannot use. I hate the idea of people telling me which groups of people are OK to offend and which are not. I hate the idea of people getting so bent out of shape about words.

Is it wrong to refer to developementally disabled individuals as "retarded". Yes. It's just plain rude.

Is it wrong to call your buddy, who is in no way mentally disabled, but is really quite clumsy and doesn't pay attention, "retarded"?

Well...therein lies the debate, doesn't it? Everyone's opinion will vary on this aspect, and each person will need to learn how to respect everyone else's opinion.

[sarcasm]But really...let's outlaw a word because a percentage of the population find it offensive for whatever reason. That's a great idea. Why not have a list of words that banned from public usage. Afterall...isn't that what this country was founded on?[/sarcasm]

I realize these videos aren't about an outright ban of the word. But how far away do you think it is? How many petition signatures are required to pressure some Senator into starting legislation? Just exactly how slippery is this slope that folks seem all to happy to stand on the edge of? :shrugs:
 
I am constantly amazed by people. How picked on you must be to defend your right to call people retarded.

Nobody is signing any petitions. Nobody is talking to any Senators. Nobody is drafting legislation to deny you the right to embarrass and belittle any segment of our society you feel the need to.

If we stop using the word retarded, people may very well find another word to take its place. The idea is very simple. By making you aware that the word is hurtful to some people, maybe some people will think twice before they use that word, or any word.

But I know some of you feel it is a god given right to use that word. You can rest assured, you may continue to belittle people with disabilities as you please. Such freedom must give you a real feeling of empowerment. I’m happy for you.
 
i highly agree with wade. its not out to diminish our rights but to make us realize. no harm done in that. its just a way for people to make it come to attention how much in our society we use these kind of words, not just the r word, but theres words for blacks, gays, jews, mexicans, whites, middle easterners, asians, and many more. so maybe your missing the big picture that its just a way to realize the hate and belittlement that goes on around us each day, and out of our own mouths.

everyone can keep their rights to words no matter what, but we should also realize how we use them.
 
tyflier said:
I hate the idea of other people trying to tell me which words I can and cannot use. I hate the idea of people telling me which groups of people are OK to offend and which are not. I hate the idea of people getting so bent out of shape about words.

Is it wrong to refer to developementally disabled individuals as "retarded". Yes. It's just plain rude.

Is it wrong to call your buddy, who is in no way mentally disabled, but is really quite clumsy and doesn't pay attention, "retarded"?

Well...therein lies the debate, doesn't it? Everyone's opinion will vary on this aspect, and each person will need to learn how to respect everyone else's opinion.

[sarcasm]But really...let's outlaw a word because a percentage of the population find it offensive for whatever reason. That's a great idea. Why not have a list of words that banned from public usage. Afterall...isn't that what this country was founded on?[/sarcasm]

I realize these videos aren't about an outright ban of the word. But how far away do you think it is? How many petition signatures are required to pressure some Senator into starting legislation? Just exactly how slippery is this slope that folks seem all to happy to stand on the edge of? :shrugs:
Click to expand...

I put it in bold face this time, so people won't have to misinterpret, twist, and mutilate my words to try and argue with me. Just wanted to make sure everyone reads what was written...
 
Do I think a law should be passed banning the word? NO! Just like I don't think there should be a law banning ANY word that could be considered "offensive". There are sooo many in the "English" language. Some are more offensive than others.

I would merely like to see people check their thoughts, before using some words in certain contexts. Referring to a buddy that does something stupid or clumsy as "Retarded" is something I find very offensive. Why is it when a person does something stupid or clumsy, that it automatically makes them retarded? Is that all you think developmentally delayed people do? Is that all you think they are capable of?

I guess that means when your buddy cries about something, that means he is "Gay" too? Cause that all gay people do, right? <~[Sarcasm]

Sometimes it's not about what makes you feel good, when you belittle a buddy, but about the "other" people who may be around you and how they interpret words or phrases.

Wayne
 
medusacoils said:
Do I think a law should be passed banning the word? NO! Just like I don't think there should be a law banning ANY word that could be considered "offensive". There are sooo many in the "English" language. Some are more offensive than others. {/quote]
I agree. In my humble opinion, the more offensive a word or belief, the more protection it needs.

I would merely like to see people check their thoughts, before using some words in certain contexts.
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That's very reasonable, and easily respected.

Referring to a buddy that does something stupid or clumsy as "Retarded" is something I find very offensive. Why is it when a person does something stupid or clumsy, that it automatically makes them retarded? Is that all you think developmentally delayed people do? Is that all you think they are capable of?
Click to expand...
Here's where we have different opinions. Before I go further, let me give you some background.

I have a 48 year old cousin that has the mental capacity of a 2 year old, due to a horrible brain injury caused by her birth mother. She was adopted at the hospital by my Aunt. I grew up with her my whole life.

I have a cousin that suffers from Downe's Syndrome.

My absolute best friend throughout my younger childhood, from the ages of about 4 until about 13, suffered from Cerebral Palsey. We hung out together everyday, went to and from school together, and spent every second together...until he died due to complications from his disease.

I am not a coldhearted individual with no sensitivity to the issue. I have had my share wiof fights about this.

But my cousins and my best friend never did the insanely stupid things that my "retarded" friends do. My cousins and friend may have some pretty serious mental limitations, but none of them are as stupid as my friends can be. I might refer to Rush Limbaugh as "retarded", but my cousins and my best friend always had more and made more sense than he does.

So no...to answer your question...I think MUCH more highly of the handicapped individuals I have known than my friends when they are acting "retarded" or Rush Limbaugh. I wouldn't DREAM of classifying them in the same class as those I would use the word "retarded" to describe.


I guess that means when your buddy cries about something, that means he is "Gay" too? Cause that all gay people do, right? <~[Sarcasm]

Sometimes it's not about what makes you feel good, when you belittle a buddy, but about the "other" people who may be around you and how they interpret words or phrases.

Wayne
Click to expand...
I use the word "gay" on occasion. It doesn't ever seem to bother my gay friends, but if it did, I would be respectful enough to not use it around them. Of course, I don't use it very regularly...and rarely in referance to people...unless they are homosexual friends of mine...

As for the last paragraph...I can't spend my days walking around trying not to offend anybody that might hear me speak. It's just unrealistic.

As an adult human being with great respect for other human beings, I curb my language to suit the company. I assume most people do the same thing.

But I do this with ALL my words without giving special credence or attention to specific ones. Some words are just plain rude in certain company and/or contexts and just shouldn't be used out politeness and respect within those situations.
Click to expand...
 
Wayne, I was going to mention it but didn't want to high-jack your thread. I HATE it when people use the word "gay" as if it was synonymous with stupid, or feminine. I know someone who feels they can't come out to their friends, because of this casual joking and idea that being gay is somehow stupid.

I have a cousin with sever downs syndrome. It's been very hard on her family, and I would be ashamed to use the word "retard" in a derogatory fashion in front of them.
 
I know people who use one language with one group of friends and a different language with a different group. I think they are the phony insincere types who say and act the way they think they should for different groups.

I wonder however, if you use the word retarded to describe one group of friends who are behaving stupidly or clumsily, doesn’t that imply that that is what you think that word describes. I would think those same thoughts would still be there when you are with your friends with Downs Syndrome, weather you speak the word or not. Isn’t what you really think and feel more important than the words you actually speak.

This really is not as big of a deal as some people would have you think. It is simply a group of people trying to get other people to be a little more considerate. Nobody is being asked to give up any freedoms or to donate money to the cause. Just think a little about others before you flap your lips. Simple.
 
Wade, Thank you for your posts. YOU are hitting the nail on the head. I wish I could write so eloquently, but my emotions keep getting in the way.

This is an issue that I really take to heart. Before I had children and while my daughter was little, before we realized that she was different, my views were probably the same as so many others. Having a child with a disability opened my eyes to a lot of things. It has made me think of things in ways I probably wouldn't have, otherwise. Some of that comes by trying to help my daughter deal with these situations when she is out of my site. Be it a bully in the school yard, an ignorant person in a grocery store or a inconsiderate relative.

My daughter knows that word all too well. She knows what it means both literally and in slang. Something I'm ashamed of. I'm ashamed of inconsiderate, uncaring people who are a member of the society I live in. It appalls me that one group of people could get so fighting mad over the slang use of one word, but defend the slang use of another. How hypocritical can you be? Honestly?!?!?

As I have mentioned before, I am not for "banning" the word. It is a part of our language, just like any other word. It has other meanings, just like other words. I just want people to be considerate of other people around them and how they choose to use those words. It's thinking before you act or speak.

Thank you everyone for your input!

Wayne
 
medusacoils said:
Wade, Thank you for your posts. YOU are hitting the nail on the head. I wish I could write so eloquently, but my emotions keep getting in the way.

This is an issue that I really take to heart. Before I had children and while my daughter was little, before we realized that she was different, my views were probably the same as so many others. Having a child with a disability opened my eyes to a lot of things. It has made me think of things in ways I probably wouldn't have, otherwise. Some of that comes by trying to help my daughter deal with these situations when she is out of my site. Be it a bully in the school yard, an ignorant person in a grocery store or a inconsiderate relative.

My daughter knows that word all too well. She knows what it means both literally and in slang. Something I'm ashamed of. I'm ashamed of inconsiderate, uncaring people who are a member of the society I live in. It appalls me that one group of people could get so fighting mad over the slang use of one word, but defend the slang use of another. How hypocritical can you be? Honestly?!?!?

As I have mentioned before, I am not for "banning" the word. It is a part of our language, just like any other word. It has other meanings, just like other words. I just want people to be considerate of other people around them and how they choose to use those words. It's thinking before you act or speak.

Thank you everyone for your input!

Wayne
Click to expand...

But you said you agree with Wade. Wade seems to think that people should never ever speak differently around different people. It's "insincere" and "phony" to curb your speech for your surroundings. Your post here, and Wade's post above are not even close to the same ideals...

Of course...I think that idea is ridiculous. EVERYONE changes their words for different company. Wade just wants to insult people and start an argument, so he's being incendiary.

See, I agree with you for the most part, Wayne. I have seen the hurt that using this word CAN cause. But that is not the only way it can be used. I have NEVER used the word as a referance to an individual with a disability.

You don't have to be an inconsiderate, insensitive dousche just because you use a word that someone else finds offensive. It doesn't have to be black and white. There are grey areas, and different opinions.

The problem wiyth debates like this is when people continue to say things like "anyone that doesn't agree with me is a hypocrit or inconsiderate or rude" or whatever. There isn't a whole lot of room for discussion when you and others are closed to the idea that someone else might think differently...and still be a decent person. You have already determined that anyone that doesn't agree with you in this is wrong. But...it's all a matter of opinion.

As for Wade "hitting the nail on the head"...

I know people who use one language with one group of friends and a different language with a different group. I think they are the phony insincere types who say and act the way they think they should for different groups....
Click to expand...
Really? You use the same exact words in front of your Grandmother, your buddy from college, and the doctor as he examines you? I don't believe that for one second. I refuse to believe that you use the same language and words regardless of your situation. I refuse to believe that there aren't certain words you use in certain company that you would never use amongst other company. I call BS.

...I wonder however, if you use the word retarded to describe one group of friends who are behaving stupidly or clumsily, doesn’t that imply that that is what you think that word describes. I would think those same thoughts would still be there when you are with your friends with Downs Syndrome, weather you speak the word or not. Isn’t what you really think and feel more important than the words you actually speak....
Click to expand...
No, because I have never associated the word "retarded" with mentally disabled. To me, the word retarded means stupid, ignorant, nonsensical, clumsy...not mentally disabled.

...This really is not as big of a deal as some people would have you think. It is simply a group of people trying to get other people to be a little more considerate. Nobody is being asked to give up any freedoms or to donate money to the cause. Just think a little about others before you flap your lips. Simple.
Click to expand...
If the issue is with people using the word to describe people with mental disabilities, than I agree with you 100%.

If the issue is with me calling a non-disabled individual a retard, than I think it's ridiculous to be so offended.

But you don't seem clear on this...and neither do a lot of other people. You don't want the word banned...you just don't want anyone to ever use it for any reason...:shrugs:??
 
tyflier said:
Really? You use the same exact words in front of your Grandmother, your buddy from college, and the doctor as he examines you? I don't believe that for one second. I refuse to believe that you use the same language and words regardless of your situation. I refuse to believe that there aren't certain words you use in certain company that you would never use amongst other company. I call BS.
Click to expand...

Yes Chris, that is exactly correct. I am who I appear to be no matter who I am speaking to or what I am speaking about. I do not do or say anything ever I would be ashamed to have someone else, even my Grandmother, she me do or hear me say. That is what I call being honest.


No, because I have never associated the word "retarded" with mentally disabled. To me, the word retarded means stupid, ignorant, nonsensical, clumsy...not mentally disabled.
Click to expand...

Well Chris then you have your own definition for that word. The rest of the word thinks the word retarded refers to a person with mental or physical disabilities. Look it up in 10 or 20 dictionaries and see if you can find one that doesn’t list that as one of the meanings of the word.


If the issue is with people using the word to describe people with mental disabilities, than I agree with you 100%.

If the issue is with me calling a non-disabled individual a retard, than I think it's ridiculous to be so offended.
Click to expand...

Chris you are entitled to think it is ridiculous. I haven’t been a part of this movement to Ban The Word, but I think it sounds like a pretty good idea. I don’t see a reason to intentionally go out of my way to make a group of people feel bad. It is not difficult for me to accommodate them in this case. I don’t see how using that word enriches my life in any way. I really do believe that the words people use and the language the speak weather in private or public, reflects on the character of that person.

Chris you have accused me of twisting your words several times. The quotes above are your words in the context they were spoken. I have commented on what I thought of your words. I have not commented on what I thought you were thinking or what I thought your intentions were. I would appreciate the same courtesy from you.
 
I guess I would fall into the hypocrite category, then. I have several groups of friends, and they're each as different as night and day. I can speak loose and stupid around one group, but wouldn't dare around another. I guess I temper my personality to fit the situation. I wouldn't talk "gangsta" around people in a formal social situation, nor would I discuss classic music and literature around my tailgaters when we're partying before a game. I wouldn't tell a risque joke around my PTA moms (well, not all of them)...etc. Maybe this makes me fake...I don't know. I guess my only intention is to be respectful of the group I'm in.

Having a delayed son has opened many insights into a world I was otherwise uninvolved in. Luke is catching up quickly to his age group, however, and I've seen him refer to the little yellow bus as "the dumb kid" bus. I was stunned to hear him say this, and I know he has never heard that from within his family, so it may be his way of trying to fit in with his peers, especially since he used to ride that bus himself. That makes me very sad. Regardless, I'm not offended by the R word when used to describe a person or situation that is foolish....but like Wade said, using the word in no way enriches my life, so it's not a burden on me not to use it in any context. The only way I would speak out against someone for using it is if they used it in a hurtful manner toward someone with a disability, though. I'm not going to become the word police any time I hear that or other inappropriate words UNLESS it's in the context of what I mentioned above. I guess I have more important things to worry about right now.
 
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I'm not here to point fingers and say anyone is bad. I'm just giving a view point of what I'm feeling regarding a word. I guess any word could be considered derogatory or degrading, if it's used in a certain context.

I'm also sorry that your offended by my offense to you calling your "buddies" retarded when they do something stupidly or clumsily. Hey, if thats what you need to do and it makes you feel better doing it, then by all means continue! We all know that that is all "retarded" people are capable of.

Oh, BTW, Just to show you how "retarded" my daughter is. This morning I had a meeting with my daughters teachers, her therapist, principal, her aid and the schools therapist. One of the things that was brought up was about the geography bee they held last month. It seems they gave my daughter an honorary 4th place in the geography bee. The reason they gave her the honorary 4th place instead of the 1st place she earned or deserved was because some of the teachers felt she had an unfair advantage because of her disability. Does that sound right? Does that sound fair to you?

How about the next time one of your "buddies" does something intelligent, instead of stupid or clumsy, you call them "retarded" then?

Just a thought

Wayne
 
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