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this made me laugh

MERCURY

Herpetologicaly Hooked
some people :nope:


I keep many snakes but not as pets. Snakes are never going to be a cute cuddly little friend that you can enjoy, conversely they are evil and vile I of course you should remember that Satan was cursed to be a serpent, moving on his belly eating dust-is that your idea of a pet?

I keep snakes because they are an integral part of any true believers worship services. And God has ordained, in his holy scriptures that believers are to take up snakes to demonstrate that the Holy Spirit is manifest in them.

Behold I give unto you the power to tread on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing by any means shall hurt you. Luke 10:19

By my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues. They shall take up serpents and if they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt them. Mark 16:17-18.

See it is quite clear, the Lord shows that his true disciples will have the power over serpents and it is also clear that the serpents referred to are venemous or at least dangerous snakes. That is why I keep several Timber Rattlers, four Copperheads and a recently acquired King Cobra. I also have, but never employ in my services a Burmese python and several garter snakes. I also have a snake that I can only describe in my native Afrikaans as a Boomslang.

Now of course the Lord has instructed us to use dangerous snakes to demonstrate as true followers of Christ that lethal snakes can not harm us so it would do little good to bring out tame friendly housebroken snakes at services. So it is very important to keep ones serpents mean. I accomplish this by keeping them hungry and agitated. I leave them in a big box all together and I leave them in a room with lights above, below and to each side of the box. I also try to annoy they by keeping some rubber mice in a cage with my sons hamster and then I throw the rubber mice in there and it makes them very onery. I also do this trick with rubber sn akes. Now don't get me wrong I let them eat whenever the neighbors neglect to abide the local ordinances for keeping their numerous cats or dogs on leashes.

Although the holy scriptures do not give us concise guidance on the matter of cats I feel that it is an evil animal that eagerly has participated in a major role in the occult from Egypt to Salem to the modern day. It is fine to feed cats to serpents.

I do not really know what else should be addressed in this op, I have explained how to care for a serpent and how to use it as a pet. If you have any questions on keeping serpents feel free to post them in comments, and I have recommended scorpions to the site as a topic for me to write on.

I guess another important topic is what to do when a heretic gets bitten by a snake. Basically very few snakes are actually lethal aside from the Water Moccasin and those demons that the Crocodile hunter plays with. (BTW I am discussing with my deacons the doctrine of using an alligator in services now that Florida has changed some of their laws to permit the capture of alligators. I am leaning towards being unable to do so, had Christ ordained that his disciples would be safe from Crocodiles we could have extrapolated that Alligators would be valid to use in worship service.) But if someone is not a believer and is bit by a serpent generally it requires medical attention and as a O type bloodgroup I am often called upon to give blood as I have had numerous chastisements from the Lord which resulted in me being bit several times to the point where my blood is chock full of antivenom. I have not been bitten since Helen Cowdry left our congregation and I no longer was filled with lust in my heart for Sister Helen. People basically get sick and throw up some and truthfully them little critters have a good set of sabers for teeth that leave a goodsized cut. Laugh all you want but I paid for that 70X14 Hillcrest we use for our temple from fees I g et all over the country by giving my blood. I'll be working at Wal-mart as a greeter and the helly-copters will land right down in the parking lot between the buggies and come to take me to Memphis or Chattanooga or columbia to a hospital where they get my blood.

I will tell you too, I know the Bible is clear on abstaining from the blood and I reckon most of the problems in the world today can be attributed by people ingesting life blood or getting aids from blood transfusions. But when it comes to life or death I feel obligated to allow my blood to be used to save lives, unless the victim is Roman Catholic.

Instead of thinking about keeping a snake for a pet you should find a church that uses serpents for their proper purpose as God in Genesis gave Adam dominion over all creatures and we use the serpent to glorify him.




porr misguided man lol
 
Where in ?God?'s name did THAT come from??? I've never read anything so ridiculous in my life!


Oops, I'm sorry, cousin Jethro says he wont be sending you any more emails as his nurse said he has to keep his jacket on from now on. ;)
 
JTGoff69 said:
Where in ?God?'s name did THAT come from??? I've never read anything so ridiculous in my life!

*Cue banjo music* "Had me a snake I kept on Rocky Top, out in the Tennessee hills....."

As hard as it may be to believe, "snake churches" are quite popular in Tennessee. (Right Terri? ;) ) I used to live near Columbia and there was one of those churches nearby. They actually use venomous snakes in the service with the belief that God will protect the true believer from the serpent’s venom.

Personally, I just prefer to drop a small donation in the offering plate and let The Man use it as he deems necessary... :rolleyes:
 
Wow. Just wow.
I have actually had a girl ask me about my snake once. She over heard me talking about him and she was like, " you know snakes are the work of satan" or something close to that.... I think she was kidding though. . . although she didn't laugh when I laughed.... hummmm...?
 
wait a second...

The begining thread said Scotland, the author's native tounge is in Afrikaans, and someone in Tennessee said the author lived near them. I'm sure I'm looking right at, and not seeing, something here. Are you all in agreement that this is legit?
As for the Snake-handling churches, there are some in my area, I'm ashamed to say I've never been. I've seen enough on tv documentaries to know I wouldn't exactly fit in, and I doubt the parishoners appreciate gawkers. For the record, they pass around native snakes; northern copperheads and timber rattlers. I think the church would come to an end quickly if boomslangs and king cobras were part of the ceremonies. :bowdown:
 
I think you may be right Chip. I think I noticed one in Ashville right next to the "Church of God why did I choose to live in a Red State"; I believe the pastor was wearing Birkenstocks and hemp pants. :laugh:
 
ROFL!!! I must be just brimming to the top with the holy spirit then! That's got to be one of the funniest things I've read in a while.
 
LOL...Oh yeah, that really shows some people are really FAR out their in life.

My favorite part.....
But when it comes to life or death I feel obligated to allow my blood to be used to save lives, unless the victim is Roman Catholic.

So, to heck with Roman Catholics, hey? LOL. Darn people don't know anything about religion anyway, so might as well let 'em die from their snake bites!!

Don't think I'd want his blood anyway. NOT put to run through my viens.....eeeewwwwww, scarry.

(and in case anyone thinks that I am dissing RC's, I am one and am the secretary of our church...lol...that was a funny read but that last part almost made me fall on the floor laughing)
 
Wow. I'm just trying to imagine how far out in their own little world that person had to be when writing that. Lends credence to "we believe what we choose to believe", doesn't it?
 
This was a wonderful read. And, what is interesting to me, is that a couple of co-workers and I were talking about this last Thursday.
 
elrojo said:
The begining thread said Scotland, the author's native tounge is in Afrikaans, and someone in Tennessee said the author lived near them. I'm sure I'm looking right at, and not seeing, something here. Are you all in agreement that this is legit?
As for the Snake-handling churches, there are some in my area, I'm ashamed to say I've never been. I've seen enough on tv documentaries to know I wouldn't exactly fit in, and I doubt the parishoners appreciate gawkers. For the record, they pass around native snakes; northern copperheads and timber rattlers. I think the church would come to an end quickly if boomslangs and king cobras were part of the ceremonies. :bowdown:
LOL Chip...you seem confused! (WB, by the way...I haven't seen you on here much lately). I think that the person who posted this thread wasn't the "author" of the snake-handling story. I can only suppose that the actual author is African since he mentions his "native Afrikaans." I say the person lives near me because he states,
"I'll be working at Wal-mart as a greeter and the helly-copters will land right down in the parking lot between the buggies and come to take me to Memphis or Chattanooga or columbia to a hospital where they get my blood."
I live in Middle Tennessee. All three of the places listed are fairly close to me.

To be honest, I am really disgusted by people like this...they feel they have to tempt God (which God says not to do, by the way) by handling venomous reptiles, but they condemn other people (i.e. Roman Catholics aren't worth saving to this person). God says to love all men! Apparently this person needs to go back and read his/her bible again. I think he missed something!

This person also has NO respect for his neighbors...he feeds their cats to his snakes (on the rare occasion when his snakes get to eat)! Obviously he never learned the "Golden Rule."

In my opinion, he's gonna be in for a shock when he stands before the "Pearly Gates!"
 
Few venomous snakes are large enough to eat a cat, Africans aren't exactly known for their "Church of God with Signs Following" churches, this guy was having a little fun, I'm certain.
 
All I can say is, I want whatever he's having. :grin01:

To have such a wild imagination is a great thing, unless it scares the straights..then one should tone it down a tad. ;)

When we were going through our Dave Ramsey financial classes, which consequently were held at the local Nazarene Church...the minister who headed and taught the classes every Sunday always said "If you handle snakes, you're gonna get bit" as he was referring to credit card companies.

Everytime he'd say the little saying, all I could do was emit a chuckle and get a few stares. After one of the classes the minister came up and asked me why I chuckled..and I told him "I currently own around 40 snakes and only the real little ones insist on biting"...after giving me a suspicious nod he turned and I thought he was going to trip over the table trying to back away from me with this panicked look on his face. :rofl:

Back to the story at hand:

I don't think there are any of those "snake churches" around up here. About the wildest I've heard of are the Pentecostals. But being 'sans religion' at the moment, it is rather interesting to see the view of snakes by most religions as being at one end of the spectrum or the other. Either they embrace them and "tempt 'God' to bite them" or "they're vile creations of Satan".
 
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