Thread netiquette: Off-topic vs. digression

[Eremita]

What exactly made you chose it?

Well, I was sitting there at the computer, needing to register so that I could ask about Okeetee personalities (mine was a total psycho last night for his first feeding, btw), and as soon as I got to the point of picking a screen name my mind opened onto the void. After some period of useless pondering for what I consider to be a trifling matter, the word "Teratoma" popped into my head from somewhere. It had a nice ring to it, seemed suitably bizarre and obscure, and so I typed it in, and voila! - it was available and I had it.

-Sean

 

[Roy Munson]

Erm, it is not really relevant, and maybe I misinterprete your explanation, but do you mean you are a lesbian or that you usually just happen to see boobs?

Couldn't you tell? Her Custom User Title is gay: 2003 UB313. :grin01:

 

[desertanimal]

I think the statement "especially my wife..." let the proverbial cat out of the bag on that one!

I meant to reply to this last night, but the internet wasn't working and wouldn't let me post.

Heh heh. Well, in theory, it is possible for me to both be a woman and have a wife and not be a lesbian. I do know a few people who are married, but not to the people with whom they are romatically involved. They did this to illustrate that civil marriage is nothing more than a legal agreement and doesn't _necessarily_ mean any particular thing about the nature of the relationship between the people involved--sexual, romantic, or otherwise--and that being married can't dictate that there is. I know a man and a woman who got married for this purpose--both are gay and are sleeping with same-sex partners, but are legally married to each other. I have heard much talk of same sex (heterosexual) people doing the same, but I don't know of any of them personally. They make a good point, but I think it's not one that's widely seen or heard, so I don't know how much good it does and it seems like a serious legal arrangement to get oneself into just to make a political statement. But maybe they had pre-nups done. :shrugs: Who knows. However, I haven't met very many people like that, so the odds are very small that I would be among them. Within the category of people in same sex marriages, I am in the majority, for once. As PnyKlr correctly surmised, I am, indeed, a lesbian.

To sum up from this and other threads:
I am NOT a 12-year old boy.
I AM a 31 year-old woman.
I have a wife (she comes complete with Canadian marriage certificate, durable and medical power of attorney).
I am a lesbian.
And lastly, this is all SOOOOO much less ambiguous in person! LOL!

 

[desertanimal]

and voila! - it was available

surpising, isn't it? LOL.

 

[Serpwidgets]

I think it's funny that:

this thread (http://www.cornsnakes.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35329)

+ guessing based on stereotypes

=

I AM a 31 year-old woman.
I have a wife (she comes complete with Canadian marriage certificate, durable and medical power of attorney).
I am a lesbian.
And lastly, this is all SOOOOO much less ambiguous in person! LOL!

As Strong Bad would say:
"STEREOTYPE'D"

(Don't ya just HATE that? :grin01: )
:cheers:

 

[desertanimal]

I think it's funny that:

this thread (http://www.cornsnakes.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35329)

+ guessing based on stereotypes

=


As Strong Bad would say:
"STEREOTYPE'D"

(Don't ya just HATE that? :grin01: )
:cheers:

LOL! Uh. Yeah. Pretty much. I must admit that I have been rather surprised by all this confusion. I don't often run into it! I told Kristi about the final development of this thread last night and she looked at me like I had just told her that I was actually a martian in disguise. And after staring at me for quite some time she said, "What's not to get? I mean, you've posted pictures of yourself. They've SEEN you. And there ARE NO STRAIGHT WOMEN THAT LOOK LIKE YOU." Of course, she acknowledged that there might be some out there, somewhere, but kept insisting that she had NEVER seen one. :grin01: There is some truth to stereotypes, else, they woudn't be there in the first place.

Kristi breaks it, though. And as a result, she is constantly mistaken for a straight woman, which she kind of hates.

 

[Serpwidgets]

I think we have the PC movement to "thank" for that... since treating people differently because of stereotypes is bad, it is therefore evull to even acknowledge that any stereotypes exist. :santa: (Hopefully someday society will have some common sense about it.)

 

[SnakeCreations]

I
As Strong Bad would say:
"STEREOTYPE'D"

(Don't ya just HATE that? :grin01: )
:cheers:

NO!! I love it... hehehe Strong Bad is my hero... and of course... da burniator... oops.. I just broke out into song.

Yeah... the adorable starfish bikini pic was clear. Your couples pic is sweet Unless of course... you are a martian in disquise!!! You clever little martian you!!!

I get asked all the time, not because of how I look, but because of the company I keep. "So, he's gay.... and you are...?" My response is typically a blank look and "Why Tonya of course!"

<snicker>

-Tonya

 

[Eremita]

Well anyway, let me be the first here to say you make a cute couple.

 

[desertanimal]

As for the cuteness ratings, that's very nice. Thanks.

Stereotypes tend to be bad, bad, bad when people want to legislate based on them. Or when people assume certain things about your behavior just because you belong to a certain "group." But for me, assuming that people belong to a certain group based on behavior and appearance is less problematic. It's the directionality of the assumptions that tends to matter. When I finally figured out that I was gay, my Christian friends were mostly upset because they thought that that meant that I would start going out getting blitzed on the weekends and hook up with lots of random people, because this was their stereotype of gays. When I explained that I would still be the same person they had always known, but now I might sometimes have a girlfriend instead of no significant other, they felt much better about it.

It's really offensive for someone to assume they know something about how you live your life because you belong to a group that has a certain stereotype.

I get furious when people assert that I am a man-hater because they know I am a lesbian, but I don't mind at all when people assume that I am a lesbian because I have many of the stereotypical behavioral and physical lesbian characteristics. I don't mind being categorized by my actions and appearance. I DO mind people assuming they can predict my thoughts and actions based on the stereotype of my category. I think such bad things happen because of the latter practice that stereotyped people want to pretend that stereotypes carry no information at all. Maybe once our society treats stereotyped people equally, and no harm comes to stereotyped people as a result of those stereotypes, then those who are stereotyped will feel a little more comfortable embracing the "truths" that motivate those stereotypes.

The other, but less obvious problem with stereotypes is that they make invisible those who do not fit them. Since stereotypes often involve identity, it makes it hard for people who don't fit stereotypes to claim the stereotyped identity if they want to. No one ever asks me what my husband does. Almost never. Because I fit the lesbian stereotype, I don't have to deal with that. But Kristi gets that question all the time and has to correct the asker, who is invariably surprised and then there's sometimes a little bit of awkwardness while everyone realizes the assumptions that person has made, and while that person adjusts his or her paradigm. I'm sure the same thing happens with masculine gay men. It's not a huge problem, but it's one I'm glad I don't have.

 

[SnakeAround]

Desertanimal, you are wise

 

[Chris Olson]

As for the cuteness ratings, that's very nice. Thanks.

Stereotypes tend to be bad, bad, bad when people want to legislate based on them. Or when people assume certain things about your behavior just because you belong to a certain "group." But for me, assuming that people belong to a certain group based on behavior and appearance is less problematic. It's the directionality of the assumptions that tends to matter. When I finally figured out that I was gay, my Christian friends were mostly upset because they thought that that meant that I would start going out getting blitzed on the weekends and hook up with lots of random people, because this was their stereotype of gays. When I explained that I would still be the same person they had always known, but now I might sometimes have a girlfriend instead of no significant other, they felt much better about it.

It's really offensive for someone to assume they know something about how you live your life because you belong to a group that has a certain stereotype.

I get furious when people assert that I am a man-hater because they know I am a lesbian, but I don't mind at all when people assume that I am a lesbian because I have many of the stereotypical behavioral and physical lesbian characteristics. I don't mind being categorized by my actions and appearance. I DO mind people assuming they can predict my thoughts and actions based on the stereotype of my category. I think such bad things happen because of the latter practice that stereotyped people want to pretend that stereotypes carry no information at all. Maybe once our society treats stereotyped people equally, and no harm comes to stereotyped people as a result of those stereotypes, then those who are stereotyped will feel a little more comfortable embracing the "truths" that motivate those stereotypes.

The other, but less obvious problem with stereotypes is that they make invisible those who do not fit them. Since stereotypes often involve identity, it makes it hard for people who don't fit stereotypes to claim the stereotyped identity if they want to. No one ever asks me what my husband does. Almost never. Because I fit the lesbian stereotype, I don't have to deal with that. But Kristi gets that question all the time and has to correct the asker, who is invariably surprised and then there's sometimes a little bit of awkwardness while everyone realizes the assumptions that person has made, and while that person adjusts his or her paradigm. I'm sure the same thing happens with masculine gay men. It's not a huge problem, but it's one I'm glad I don't have.

Great post! I tried to give you some reputation points for it but apparently I need to "spread it around," some more before I can give you any. Oh well, you made some really outstanding points.

Chris

 

[Mary-Beth]

And there ARE NO STRAIGHT WOMEN THAT LOOK LIKE YOU." Of course, she acknowledged that there might be some out there, somewhere, but kept insisting that she had NEVER seen one. .

Here's a pic of me when I was 17. My mom bribed me with $20 to wear that shirt and put on some makeup. Don't know if I count as being a woman here because of the age though. :grin01:

 

[desertanimal]

My mom bribed me with $20 to wear that shirt and put on some makeup. Don't know if I count as being a woman here because of the age though. :grin01:

Wow. You're cheap. :grin01: That's a pretty good pic, but at 17 you might still have been developing your gender identity. Even if you'd worn what you wanted, I'd bet you look a lot more comfortable with yourself in this first picture here than you did when you were 17.

And the second picture is a bit of a "tell." It doesn't necessarily mean anything, but does give off different information than the third picture.

So I wouldn't say you look like the aspects of me that Kristi was referring to when she said that, but I will say that often, straight women out-"butch" me (I don't consider myself to be all that butch, really), and that you have done so in the shooting picture! :grin01:

 

[desertanimal]

Desertanimal, you are wise

And I wasn't even educated in the humanities! LOL. No but seriously. Thanks. That's very nice of you. Sometimes, I manage to think before shooting off my mouth, sometimes not. Hopefully as I continue to age, that ratio will continue to increase.

 

[kimbyra]

This has been an interesting read.
I'm that straight woman! Sometimes if I'm in a t-shirt and jeans or khakis, and someone is'nt paying attention, I'm mistaken for a guy, as well. This really bugs me. I do have short hair right now, but I'm also very curvy like desert animal. I may be a little less typically "feminine". I suppose I am an empowered kind of woman, but geez I have DD's for goodness sake!
Go figure.

 

[desertanimal]

I'm mistaken for a guy, as well.

I have DD's for goodness sake!

Now we're getting into absurdity. There's just no explaning that.

 

[desertanimal]

You know what's funny, Kimbyra? From your writing style, my mental picture of you was reasonably girly. Not overly so or anything, but definitely on the feminine side. C'mon, let's see a pic!

 

[Mary-Beth]

Wow. You're cheap. :grin01: That's a pretty good pic, but at 17 you might still have been developing your gender identity. Even if you'd worn what you wanted, I'd bet you look a lot more comfortable with yourself in this first picture here than you did when you were 17.

And the second picture is a bit of a "tell." It doesn't necessarily mean anything, but does give off different information than the third picture.

So I wouldn't say you look like the aspects of me that Kristi was referring to when she said that, but I will say that often, straight women out-"butch" me (I don't consider myself to be all that butch, really), and that you have done so in the shooting picture! :grin01:

My response to the first part of your post was a bit to personal and I'd feel uncomfortable posting it. I'll just state that I was more comfortable with myself at 17 then I am now. Certain outside influences prevent me from expressing myself the way I want to.

I definitely see what you mean about the differences between the second and third pictures though.

Oh, and I'm very butch! :grin01:

 

[desertanimal]

My response to the first part of your post was a bit to personal and I'd feel uncomfortable posting it. I'll just state that I was more comfortable with myself at 17 then I am now. Certain outside influences prevent me from expressing myself the way I want to.

I'm sorry to hear that, M-B. Very sorry. Self is something that is vitally important to me and it pains me to hear when some people find themselves in situations where they cannot be themselves. I hope I didn't joke inappropriately. If I did, I sincerely apologize. If you want to discuss it further, feel free to PM me. Until now, we've really been having fun exploring the issue of the social construction of gender. But I'm glad you reminded me that there are people who get chewed up, spit out, and denied themselves by that process.